My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
