if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize