I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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