I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize