You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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