If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You are a genius and a whore.
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