What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't turn off my feet"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
