Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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