I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
