Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
