they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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