Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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