dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize