In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
