Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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