Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
