how can u be prego again
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
