He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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