Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
