things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
