Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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