Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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