dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
