I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
