Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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