it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
