Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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