dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
