yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
