after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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