I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
