New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
