Im at strip club and am horny
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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