I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
