I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
