I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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