he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
