I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
