is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
