I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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