Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
