woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
