Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize