We're facebook friends in real life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
