Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
