so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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