I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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