i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
