I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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