Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
