your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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