Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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