there's paper in my vomit.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
