every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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