i already hear my dad disowning me
i would punch a child for taco bell
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
