We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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