didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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