i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
