Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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