Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
