Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
