Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize