Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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