He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
