dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize