So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
