its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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