M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
