You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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