I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
