i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
