My first STD was from a foam party
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
