one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
